Happiness

A still from the "Sad Kermit" video

“Sad Kermit” 

Do you ever wish you could be as happy as you’re supposed to be?

I was a reasonably happy kid until junior high school, then I lost my happiness and that made me sad.  I went through my teens, twenties and most of my thirties thinking that there was something wrong with me simply because I wasn’t as happy as so many people around me.  I carried a lot of guilt and shame because I could never be as positive and enthusiastic as the others.

One day, about nine years ago I was reading a poem by Rainer Maria Rilke (I don’t remember which poem) and this notion dawned in my mind;  I don’t have to be positive and joyful or enthusiastic in order to be happy.  When I realized this, a burden was set down and I felt enveloped in an accepting hug.

What happened?

As an adolescent I mistakenly picked up someone else’s measuring stick for happiness.  My outward expressions of happiness did not amount to much when I measured myself on their stick.  I forgot that I had my own happiness and my own way of expressing it.  I tried to get what they had, because it looked better than what I had; they seemed like they were so much happier than me.  I picked up this burden because I felt obligated to be positive, and enthusiastic.  Most of the time I was able to put on a good act, but it was never a true expression of my happiness, and it felt insincere.  I was neglecting my souls true happiness, ignoring part of my essence, and the result was melancholia.

In that moment, when I realized that I was happy without the outward expression of positive attitude or enthusiasm, that part of me which I had been neglecting embraced me and I moved a little closer to wholeness.

I find most of my happiness when I’m writing or when I’m playing music alone or  fishing alone.  My happiness resides in quiet moments when I discover new thoughts or ideas.

Where do you find your happiness?

One thought on “Happiness

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